Introverted

I’m a very private person. I’ve just realized that. I mean- I can tell what my most traumatic memory is to a total stranger and hold it like a badge of honor but if someone asks me how I felt during and afterwards that traumatic experience I always change the subject.

I guess, I don’t know. I like having friends but not too much you know? Kind of like: okay I have seen you for six hours straight and no, I don’t want to watch a movie later. I’m planning to spend my evening on the computer eating sweets and listening to emotionally significant songs.

I feel lonely sometimes and find myself wanting to dig deep into my own psyche, wanting to see what is actually hiding in the corner of my brain. But if someone were to ask me the same questions that I ask myself I would feel exposed and completely turn myself from the conversation.

Guess I’m reading too many Snape fan fictions and reading too deep into the books. He is so emotionally detached from everything and I want to be the mysterious character that people pity and like because of the way they stay in the shadows and brood (and don’t talk about their problems). I think that if I had my way, I would only talk to the postal worker and no one else - and brood ;)

I have also been studied by two different teachers because of how I act (childish - and yet come up with in depth questions- well I guess asking your teacher who his favorite philosopher is isn’t something like Socrates would ask, but I don’t think my teacher had ever been asked that before). I also saw a Dr. Keith excerpt and he was psychoanalyzing someone. The look on his face was exactly like the look my elementary teacher always gave me when I asked her something. It was eerily similar.

I have no idea what I am saying. I think that I’m not strange or weird to the point of handcuffing me and saying that I’m too crazy to live with social society, but that I confuse myself with these things that are so strong compared to my everyday emotions. I find that as I look deeper and deeper into myself I find weirder and weirder things. I’m not sure if this is actually me or some whacked-out version of what I think I am, but it is definitely not something you would bring up with dinner guests.