Writer's Musings

Personal projects...IB style

2009-01-04T12:26:00.000-08:00

The title ‘Personal Project’ brings a sense of dread as soon as someone mentions it. Two weeks ago or more, before we were sent off to have Christmas break, our homeroom teacher told us about something we’re going to have to do because of the fact we are in IB. Apparently everyone in my grade as to present something end of the year during Awards Day, or something of that sort. If we make a guitar like I think one of my friends is doing, then they would have to play it, or choreograph a dance, and then dance it -that sort of thing.

Now, knowing me and my obsession with Psychiatric experiments and research papers, along with writing, I have been thinking about making an essay about the brain. However, for the life of me, though, I can’t think of a decent subject for it. I think I need two things to tie in together, like, how meditation or Buddhism fits into the psyche, or how doctors get to be where they are. Or the generic self image. I have also been thinking about relationships, those fascinate me because of how complicated, but really, hasn’t all of this already been done before? Plus how are you going to prove anything, or ask the right questions?

My mother also mentioned that I should get a hold of the faculty of psychiatry at local universities and I was thinking about asking other people as well, but I need to think of a focus first because I want to make a good impression on people I admire the most. Plus, what’s the point of asking questions when there is no direction?

So anyways, that’s my dilemma now, considering I go back to school tomorrow. I guess I’ll ask a friend who is doing the same sort of thing and maybe do a joint project or something. If anyone has any ideas…don’t hesitate to mention it.

Lolita

2008-12-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

I have found a new obsession and its killing me. Well, not really, but I’m always thinking about it. I have said before on my blog that I like Japan and anime right? Well, I also like frilly dresses and more gothic style clothes. And then I was introduced to Gothic Lolita.

Now please don’t search up Lolita yet, or at least search it up WITH the gothic part. As many people know, Lolita was the name of the girl and the novel by Nakobov. Now, in that novel, it has a lot to do with pedophilia and well, really rather, disturbing content in it, and as soon as you mention Gothic Lolita, this is what they think. I mean, if you really think about it, Lolita style is kind of making fun of that novel, having people dress up to look younger, in a way of saying: So what?

Now Lolita, as defined in Wikipedia says: “Lolita (ロリータ・ファッション? roriita fasshon) is a fashion subculture in Japan that is primarily influenced by Victorian children’s clothing as well as costumes from the Rococo period.” Gothic Lolita is a little darker, with more black and white that usually had petticoats and frills. These dresses and other types of clothing are designed to look old, and make both men and women look a bit like dolls. When you go to anime conventions, people will be dressed up as their favourite character, but they might also be dressed up in Lolita, with insane or cool high heels, bonnets, mini top hats or other really cool things.

Now I am very envious of these people. They look so nice and cute and it was very much my style XP. A friend actually introduced me to a website that sells really nice gothic Lolita dresses. They are about $150 (the one I want, at least) and I’m hunting down a top hat and making a nice Victorian style choker. I also have flats with ruffles on the front and striped tights to go with the dress. I’m going to wear it at conventions.

Anyways, I just wanted to put that tidbit of information up there, just to show that if I’m talking about Lolita, it is not about dressing up as the character or any sort of sexual deviation cult you might think I’m joining.

Vic

2008-11-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

Yes, I’m back and moved yet again. I was inspired to write some more in my blog because I came across another Fan writer’s blog and how interesting her life is, even compared to mine XP. Anyways, I figured I should just put this out there even if now one reads it. I mean, why not?
I have moved again, this time to the big city. Since I started writing this I have lived in three different places, wow. I’m attending a high school art school with about 2000 other people (k-12) and it’s glorious. It’s like everything I am and have become was just to mold me into this person so I can fit in with everyone else. I’m not someone that worries about that sort of thing, but when it happens without you even trying, haha, it’s incredible.
The school is actually split up into the more preppy people or scene kids and those who are more alternative and weird. I’m in the weird group, but I don’t care because it isn’t like we’re outcasts, it’s just a different perspective. And everyone is so close, we always hug (well everyone does, it’s kinda retarded not to), but I’m friends with people way older than me but it doesn’t matter. People don’t tend to notice me because I’m quiet but I also have not made any enemies so far. I find that people are very nice to me compared to how they treat a lot of people, but I think I have a new kid status.
As well, we have three options right now, because I’m in my last year of Junior High, so there aren’t many things to pick but I have French, Art and then Video where I’m writing a screenplay for one of our projects. In art, we have these black hardcover sketch books where we have to do two things in them a week and we will get marked on progress and stuff. It isn’t a percent but rather Excellent, proficient and crap like that. It’s really fun and when I first started, we had to do just squiggles on a page and showing the contrast and placement of things using graphite blocks. That right there showed me that I would never go to another school. The fact that we just spent the whole class doing that, and that our teacher told us to free up our hand sold me right away.
I’m also thinking about what I’m going to take next year. During the summer I’m thinking of doing PE 10 so that I don’t have to do it using the year and block up more important subjects. I’m also going to try and take a correspondence course for Psychology but I doubt that will happen. I found out that if you get higher than 80% in Social Studies you can’t take Psychology, Philosophy or any of the other cooler types for grade 11. That seriously bites. All I know is that I’m taking Bio and Photography.
I also found that Vic has a huge amount of Anime fans and an Anime club I attend twice a week. I guess it’s inevitable that people would like it, with so much Japanese influence nowadays and the amount of effort it takes to make really good anime and manga characters would fit with the alternative/punk/weird/emo groups that are all around the school. I’m just surprised that I have so much in common with people.

Hatori

2008-04-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

The man on my left is my new sweetheart. He’s a manga character from a graphic novel called Fruits Basket and is named Hatori Sohma. He is Japanese but likes western style clothes (suits), cars (wheel on the left not right), and a lot of western books. I picked up Fruits Basket when I was in Chapters and seeing the manga, decided to read it.

The book is about this girl, Tohru, whose mother died and she started to live with her grandfather. However, her aunt and uncle wanted to live there too so her grandfather made them live elsewhere until renovations for the house was over. The place she stayed was a tent on the Sohma property, unknowingly.

The three Sohmas who live on the property see her and recognize her from their high school and invite her to live there with them until she can go back to her family. During her time living there, she realizes that, the reason the family is so secretive is because 14 Sohma people are cursed by the Zodiacs (they turn into their animal when hugged by their opposite sex) and usually have a really bad childhood (their mothers want to hug them but they turn into animals and thus are abused or over-protected). One of the Sohmas is the ‘emperor’ and is ruler over everyone else (you learn later on that he is actually a she) and the other is the cat, condemned to try and get accepted into the family.

All in all, Tohru doesn’t return to her family and meets other Sohma members. Hatori is the dragon but turns into a seahorse! Does that mean he can become pregnant?

Now I have watched all of the episodes and ordered about four more of the books. However, my biggest problem is money. I don’t have very much money and I have to pay the person who’s getting those books for me by next week!

2008-03-28T13:51:00.001-07:00

I went to Vulcan yesterday and it was awesome. I thought it wouldn’t be that good considering how small the tourist place we were going to was. However, it was great. I cuddled up with the cut-out Spock and took pictures with some of my friends. There was also a game you got to the back room where there was a virtual game and that was cool, it kind of felt like you were actually controlling the ship. I also bought a faux-double layered shirt (where it looks like a t-shirt with a long sleeve under) that says ‘Live long and prosper’ with a little Spock that looked really cute. If you’ve seen Powerpuff anime then you would get what I mean.

I also went to the Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump and that was cool. It has the museum layered so that you go to the top, go on the cliff and observation window, and then go down a floor see some stuff; go down a layer see more stuff (duh). But what’s the best about it is that you can see all the floors because they designed it to look like steps and you can see everything from the top floor. _ (top floor)

_ (2^nd floor)

_ (3rd floor)

_ (4^th Floor)

Anyways, this day kind of pales compared to yesterday. But tomorrow I am going shopping so another day of fun. And no, I am not going to tell everyone what I buy because that would be a really boring post.

But what I am going to tell you is that I am going to go for an emo look and have almost totally achieved it. My hair is a no, it doesn’t have really cool bangs or anything, but I have black clothes, tight pants and band shirts. Tomorrow I am going to buy some converse high tops and will have completed the look! Don’t worry, when I have less time to kill, my posts will become more mature and I will talk about something other then shopping.

Vulcan

2008-03-26T19:19:00.001-07:00

I’m going to Vulcan, Alberta tomorrow. I have to say that I actually kind of like Star Trek to be honest and am looking forward to it. I have heard that a new movie is coming out, with Spock! I hope that it isn’t as cheesy as the former movies, because I couldn’t even get through them, what would it be like it I went to the theater to see this one?

I am also going to Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump and that will be fun. It’s where the natives who lived there would herd the buffalo off the cliff and to the animal’s death. A lot of those animals would be killed and I want to see just how high the cliff is. It’s an incredible waste of meat if you ask me.

I also wasted about five hours watching Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s comedy on youtube. Hilarious, but I can’t believe its already evening. I was going to say more about it, like fancy that or that’s a laugh but realized that I would sound too much like a Brit, hearing them and no one else talk for five hours. Kind of like someone adopting slang when they first learn the language if you tell me.

I have also written about one more sentence in my novel. Dreams of making it rich and famous from a fantasy novel is slipping away if I don’t get it finished before the next life. Ha ha ha ha, alright, I may never finish it, or even sell any of it if I do finish it. Finishing that large of a piece isn’t even enough anymore, without making it big like: J K Rowling, Stephen King or… I can’t even think of anything. Whole crap, I think I need to get off the computer and get some exercise. Fat chance.

I did it again! I used British slang, crap, that’s really annoying. Did I even accomplish anything from this post. Jut meaningless ramblings.

2008-03-26T19:19:00.000-07:00

I did it again! I used British slang, crap, that’s really annoying. Did I even accomplish anything from this post. Jut meaningless ramblings.

Bluh

2008-03-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

Alright, so what, it’s been a while- a long while. Quite a few things have cropped up since January and I have to say that being late with posts is not my fault. My grandfather died in the middle of February and I will be devoting a post to him, however I’m not quite sure what to write, so we’re back to talking about inane stuff. Also, I am an assistant stage manager for a local play as well as starting a couple more training projects and writing more of my novel, wow. That’s a lot for someone who is usually unmotivated.

I was so completely bored today that I looked up what personality I had because I liked the colour black and it would be pretty cool. I thought that, because it was black and usually used for mourning, I figured it was say either A) you’re about to die, stop liking black! Or B) stop being such an emo/head banger/goth, but evidently, it didn’t. It just said that I didn’t like being touched (true), I like solitude and/or keeping my emotions inside (true), and it is mostly associated with elegance (which I like) and villains (I like vampire). So all in all, I am suited for black.

This is a rather rambling post, I am sorry, but, I am going to clean things up in the next one, hopefully.

Introverted

2008-01-18T16:03:00.000-08:00

I’m a very private person. I’ve just realized that. I mean- I can tell what my most traumatic memory is to a total stranger and hold it like a badge of honor but if someone asks me how I felt during and afterwards that traumatic experience I always change the subject.

I guess, I don’t know. I like having friends but not too much you know? Kind of like: okay I have seen you for six hours straight and no, I don’t want to watch a movie later. I’m planning to spend my evening on the computer eating sweets and listening to emotionally significant songs.

I feel lonely sometimes and find myself wanting to dig deep into my own psyche, wanting to see what is actually hiding in the corner of my brain. But if someone were to ask me the same questions that I ask myself I would feel exposed and completely turn myself from the conversation.

Guess I’m reading too many Snape fan fictions and reading too deep into the books. He is so emotionally detached from everything and I want to be the mysterious character that people pity and like because of the way they stay in the shadows and brood (and don’t talk about their problems). I think that if I had my way, I would only talk to the postal worker and no one else - and brood ;)

I have also been studied by two different teachers because of how I act (childish - and yet come up with in depth questions- well I guess asking your teacher who his favorite philosopher is isn’t something like Socrates would ask, but I don’t think my teacher had ever been asked that before). I also saw a Dr. Keith excerpt and he was psychoanalyzing someone. The look on his face was exactly like the look my elementary teacher always gave me when I asked her something. It was eerily similar.

I have no idea what I am saying. I think that I’m not strange or weird to the point of handcuffing me and saying that I’m too crazy to live with social society, but that I confuse myself with these things that are so strong compared to my everyday emotions. I find that as I look deeper and deeper into myself I find weirder and weirder things. I’m not sure if this is actually me or some whacked-out version of what I think I am, but it is definitely not something you would bring up with dinner guests.

Dreams

2008-01-09T16:33:00.000-08:00

I just remembered yesterday why I don’t have dreams (other then the fact that I sleep like a rock). The reason is because I hate them. Now, I don’t know if that means much because a lot of people have really graphic night terrors and they survive, but I hate mine.

I don’t remember what it was about other then the fact that it was based on the movie Shaun of the Dead which is a parody of Dawn of the Dead. One of the characters in the film, who was a friend of the main character, had become a zombie. And I had dreamed that he was coming to get me. At one point I remember him scratching at a window next to a front door. I was so scared and when I woke up I was glad that it wasn’t reality.

Now, this is really strange. I get dreams like this about once a month and I’ve had three in the past two days, yet they’ve been the first ones in months, how can this be?

When I asked my father he said that it’s only dreams you remember, like a man (I forget his name) who would hold a spoon in his hand and sleep, only to wake up every time it hit the ground and remembered all his dreams.

Now I replied that really it’s your subconscious that is producing these dreams and you have your subconscious working all the time, which means that dreaming and not remembering them, is the same as being awake. The truth is what is my subconscious doing if I can never recall them, even if I wake up at three in the morning?

I know that I it’s doing something or else I would be seriously messed up. Or am I and I don’t know it?

2007-12-31T13:14:00.000-08:00

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve written, like seven months long. Not that everyone reads it anymore but I have decided that I will start it again, you know, just like I start and never finish a lot of things.

I wrote a story, almost like an autobiography, about how things changed when I moved everywhere and how different I dressed; from pink, to black when that many broke into my house and I walked in on him, and then to gray; where I am now. I entered in a contest and was short listed! I will be going to the ceremony on the 17^th and hopefully I will win.

I am also starting yet another Alan Rickman letter, but when I start today it will be my seventh attempt. I want to protect my ego as much as possible but still get my message across that I have a shrine in his honor ;). I was basically drooling when I watched Sense and Sensibility last night. His voice...

I want to buy either a piano or a bow and arrows. A city not far from where I live holds lessons for the latter but I would rather embarrass myself by learning music from a friend then showing a group of strangers that I have no upper body strength. I don’t know what to do!

Good News?

2007-06-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

We finished the testing for dyslexia, or rather, cognitive problems, and I got the results. Although they can't just give me a certificate and say I have dyslexia; the tester said that I have a cognitive disability. But, to sum it up, I have trouble with my auditory memory; a portion of the working memory. In the test part it had been people on a tape saying numbers and I have to repeat them backwards. Gods that was hard. It also effects remembering things and following recipes.

But I'm glad its over. I was so nervous when my teacher was talking to my parents about that. I almost went inside (we were playing baseball) and into th tester's room, just to hear what they were saying.

The teachers also thought it was pointless 'cuz it doesn't really influence the marks I get, or at least it doesn't seem too, but who knows, I might have some hidden power waiting to be released. We would only know until I crack this barrier.

Story!

2007-05-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

I just finished that story about the scissors. I think that it's pretty good considering I never finish my story, therefore my endings are way worse then everything else- which in fact says something. I won't post it though because I'm entering it in a writing contest and most of them don't want stories that have been published.

Thank you to all of those who have comments so far. I am not very good at updating but I have someone always on my back about it so I promise I will update.

Yesterday I got a mag about where to go in Britain and which places to eat. I practically cried when they had a 4 page spread about Oxford university and salivated just looking at the gardens they showed. My fortune cookie says: Your deepest desires will be granted, so I hope they are talking about England and me finally stepping on their soil and taking pictures at everything like a bloody tourist...

Hohoho

2007-04-29T18:06:00.000-07:00

Hey there. This sucks. I tried to update but had to turn off my computer and forgot to save my draft so I have to start over.

My mother said that I would never become famous writing fan fiction so I have started two new short stories. The first is when I had a guy break into my house and my views on it and the second is when I was 8 and I used to get really mad at my teacher. It's very strange, trust me.

I also found some phobias from a list I had made a long time ago.

Anglophobia- fear of England or the English culture
Bibliophobia- fear of books
Philosophobia- fear of philosophy
Phobophobia- fear of phobias (can you imahine telling someone that they have that phobia)
Phronemophobia- fear of thinking (I think therefore- oh sorry)

I have others but I can kind of figure out why, especially if it is Post- Tramatic Stress Disorder. Like there is a phobia called Germanophobia (by the way I don't know if these are real but i'll pretend that they are) and if it was after WW2 then I would have that phobia along with Japanophobia (the Axis group) and the Italians.

There is my musings for now. I don't really have much going on in my life...

2007-04-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for the long delay. I was out of town for about two weeks and no where near a computer. But I am now happy to say that I am back on and better then ever (though I was never sick).

I went to these two gigantic book sales and got pretty awesome books. I have this one book that has 50, 000 baby names in it and now I got another one, which -although it has less words- is better if you want to combine names an learn where they came from. Also there is another book that I got that is called The Canadian Oxford Guide of Writing and I am trying to read it but its a textbook for university and is way above my low level.

I'm going to enter a few contests. There is a t-shirt one where you make a t-shirt (over the internet) and then send it it. The contest is called Express Yourself. I'm going to look for a fictional story contest to because I wrote one and am planning to write another story.

Hehehe

2007-04-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

I watched part of this documentary yesterday, I am saying that I only watched part because it was three hours long and very boring. I fell asleep within the first fifteen minutes of it so my thoughts are very brief and vague, but they mentioned something really cool.

You know that universal idea about how one thing can kind of 'effect' something in the future? I had always liked that idea, but never really believed it. But in this documentary ; on man has this goal or dream to correct the world that USA has created, and teach students to look at the world in a whole new light. However his dream turned into something bigger and way- way more complicated. I think that it would be neat to be able to dissect these types of things and see where it all comes from.

The British marines were released yesterday or today. They were treated pretty well considering the politics involved.

snapey-poo

2007-04-05T14:50:00.000-07:00

Well I wrote this one Fan Fiction about Snape today but I don't think I'll post it. In the sixth book of Harry Potter (Half-Blood Prince) Dumbledore freezes Harry, to keep him from doing anything, and Snape kills Dumbledore, while Harry watches the whole thing. Now Harry is distressed and runs after Snape (he is now not under the spell anymore) and starts calling him coward. Well actually he is yelling at him and Snape gets really mad, almost like when someone asks you the same thing over and over again and they don't realize their doing it.

Now this has a lot of history behind it that we don't know about. We know that Snape didn't have the best childhood in the world but we still don't know why he doesn't like being called Coward. I have written a scene of his life that is a bit...weird and I'm not going to share it with you guys so - hahaha. Its my theory on the whole matter. It came to me after (you guessed it) reading Fan Fiction.

Now I'm not saying that I am copying someone but in the story someone again calls Snape a coward and so I started writing his sorry life. But If someone was to call me a coward I would blow them a raspberry and then say "looks who's talking." That would be before I would run away though...

2007-04-02T16:32:00.000-07:00

Hey again how's it goin'? I am still trying to update my story and scan those pictures in! Its so frustrating. My muse is totally gone. Well maybe I'll search more stuff on psychology and how the brain reacts to stuff because it always helps to know more about the brain.

I wonder how really good writers write their stuff. I hate plans so the stories I do sometimes have absolutely no backbone. That also sucks because one of my friends has a special ability where she doesn't even have to check her stories over. Her teacher said that that ability is rare: one in one thousand.

I read yesterday in DISCOVER that Autism could do with your immune system and all the metals you digest. I think that would be good because they think that its a new discovery that might cure thousands of people. I would love it. Curing them would help families who would have to care for them into their adulthood (the severe ones) and help out the person.

It said that their was this one boy who had Autism and he used to scream and cry when going to the dentist. They would have to force him to just get his teeth clean. Then they did something and he went to the dentist and was actually helping another boy who was freaked out, telling him it wouldn't hurt and rubbed his back. I think that is pretty impressive. Is anything brain related anymore? It is seeming more and more like the brain is more like an organ and less like a computer.

They don't know about Aspergers though.

I thought I would share that with whoever reads this rambling.

Third Post?...

2007-03-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

Hey there sorry about not writing. Not much happened lately, I am reading a couple of stories on fanfiction.net, all of which were good in the beginning but are now really- boring or not quite what I was looking for. But its really weird, I watched a little bit of Flags of our Fathers (which had a really good message) and it wasn't near as sad as when I read some of these stories. And it was sad because at least one other person was crying.

I think I'm going to send in some of my fan art to both Mugglenet.com and Fictionalley.org but I'm to lazy.

Has anyone ever read Flowers for Algernon? Its awesome, the main character was retard (in a medical sense) and the scientists in this institute do an experiment on him to increase his IQ. It works, turning his IQ to 185. The psychology involved in the book is awesome and the author knows exactly what he would be thinking! I wish I could write that well!

2007-03-25T13:45:00.001-07:00

Ummm... second post ever?

2007-03-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

Well, its me again. I had a dream last night about Harry Potter. Maybe I should stop reading all that fan fiction stories and visiting Mugglenet all the time. It would help don't you think?

I found out that I might be dyslexic; its a learning disability that affects the way you write and read and messing up words. It says in wikipedia:

dyslexics show reduced activity in the left inferior parietal cortex. It is anecdotally claimed that it is not that uncommon for dyslexics who have trained themselves to cope with their affliction to develop uncannily efficient visual memories which aid in reading and comprehending large quantities of information much faster than is typical.

People with Dyslexia usually have average IQ s and get dyslexia genetically or from some kind of brain damage. Since, at least three people in my family have it so there no doubt where I could have gotten it from. This is the test to see if your dyslexic. It has 37 things and if you have at least 9 things you should get tested: Link.

I am also going to try and finish my chapter of Sword's Eyes but I might not. Who knows?

First Post Ever

2007-03-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone it's me, the fabulous Morbid Snape. For those who aren't obsessed with Harry Potter (come on who's isn't?) my last name is the last name of my favorite character; Professor Severus Snape, former Death Eater and really snarly, sarcastic, evil guy. Don't ask why I like him. I have been asking myself that for the last three years. So this is my blog.

My name is also a user name for fan fiction that I write, Piczo account, Neopets (was obsessed with it for about a day) and some other things in the future. I might even publish a half finished book with this secret identity.

My obsession is fan fiction. My other obsession is wikipedia. This is the result: Fan fiction (also commonly spelled as fanfiction and frequently abbreviated to fanfic or occasionally just FF or fic) is a broadly-defined term for fiction about characters or settings written by fans of the original work, rather than by the original creators.

I have written 8 extremely bad fan fictions on Fanfiction.net, under a different name so that I don't shame myself by showing people who know me and embarrass me for weeks on end. Not that it would happen, but it is possible, and I hate the infinite what ifs? of today. They give me a stomach ache.

To end on a happier note I have no idea what th point of this muse is or was , but I am on my computer so I am happy. If you want I can give you an equally confusing muse about Snape. The word count would be around.... 50,000.